My partner is going to retire next year. I'm used to having the house to myself and I'm a bit nervous about having someone around all day. What do you suggest?
It is a great question and one that deserves some thought. Set aside an hour when you are both feeling relaxed and clarify your needs. Find out more definitely what each of you plan to do when you both have your days and weeks free.
I’ve heard a variation on this theme, where one woman was reluctant to stop working. Her bored husband was waiting patiently for her to retire and organize activities for them to do. She had plans to go after her long-awaited pursuits, which included spending much time with her husband. However, she did not want to be his only contact with the outside world. Her husband can create his own intellectual engagement.
In another instance, I heard of sparks flying as one man, previously in management, started telling his wife how to run their home. As he was categorizing his wife’s recipes and reorganizing the spices, he realized he needed something to do, and soon.
Sit down over coffee and explore. Brainstorm a bit. For example, let your imagination run wild on your youthful pursuits: the art lessons, the garage band, the hot cars, or the power-shopping…Do you want to do those activities again?
Or, during your working years, you may have had a passing interest you want to pursue now. Besides that, new-to-you activities, such as digital photography, might engage your imagination.
Consider your time management style. Most people need some structure. Do you relish the thought of long uninterrupted days where activities spontaneously emerge? If so, enjoy.
But, if the idea of endless days with nothing to do gives you the heebie-jeebies, plan now. As I wandered downstairs in an art store studio one Tuesday morning, I found six middle-aged people doing nude-drawing. There is something for you; you just have to find it.
Have individual pursuits that you love and plan separate activities with friends. Give your partner a break. Just seeing your buddies for coffee twice a week, or having lunch with your women-friends keeps your social connections active.
As well as acting independently, doing activities together is important. By this I mean something of genuine interest to you both, such as antique shopping, or attending auctions. Watching TV does not fall in this category.
Walk each day, or catch a swim a few times a week. Join different groups and explore how they operate. You will quickly sift through the ones you like and discard the rest. As you meet others doing exactly the same thing, you will eventually create some new friendships.
Actively pursue new friendships in retirement. The bottom line is that your circle of friends might shrink considerably as you move on in years. People move away, die, divorce, or become more housebound. Expanding your friendships and contacts can be lots of fun and lead you to interesting experiences. You won’t lose your old friends and new friendships will enrich, not diminish your life.
The freedom of time is one of the great gifts of retirement. Use it to find your happiness. (536 words)
Mahara Sinclaire, M.Ed.
© Mahara Sinclaire, 2010
mahara@laughingboomer.com
Contact: The Laughing Boomer Services #8 8623 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC V6P 5A2 Canada
Mahara Sinclaire, M. Ed., the Boomer Expert, is the author of the book The Laughing Boomer, due out in 2011 and the Laughing Boomer Workbook: Retire from Work, Gear up for Living. She has presented hundreds of workshops on a variety of topics, writes syndicated columns and presents workshops on retirement planning. Mahara is known for inspiring clients to move forward with their lives. She can be reached by telephone at 604 210 2025, mahara@laughingboomer.com or www.laughingboomer.com.
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